This Article Written By a Student OnlyBy PERRY DIXON
Back Page Editor/ The Boy Who Lived
It is reasonable that one might wonder how any Editor could find so many things to be negative about on a consistent basis in the paper. Surely, in the name of all that is good, there is something happy and pleasant that could be addressed to remove the dark clouds from over current students’ heads. This Editor acknowledges that there are certainly nice things to write about, but this is the Back Page, where such things have no place. That being said, there is a bit of clarification that must take place given the existence of apparent confusion amongst readers concerning the precise nature of this Page. This Back Page does not pretend to be an effort in factual journalism in the spirit of 60 Minutes or Tom Brokaw. The disclaimer stating that the contents of this Page are not “necessarily true” should be coupled with the fact that the responsibility for the words printed rest solely with this Editor. The Back Page does not represent, necessarily, the views or concerns of the faculty and administration, nor does it claim objectivity in the way a work of journalism must. The Back Page expresses largely the views of this Editor, with which a significant number of the undergraduate student body may or may not agree. It is quite obvious that the Back Page is an immature foray into rabble rousing, heckling, criticizing, instigating, war mongering, mischief, buffoonery and heinous chicanery most foul. Equally obvious is the fact that it is positively ridiculous such a foray has had a prime printing location in the paper for such a long time. When this Editor says something like, “The college has serious issues with (insert anything here),” it is not an objective claim, but something more along the lines of the claim, “I prefer lemon drop candy” (moderately obscure Dumbledore reference). The question of what this Page actually is might be better answered by the undergraduate students who generate the subjects that are so often addressed. No one knows what the Back Page will be, but, for the rest of the semester, it will remain at least a breath of fresh air.
For starters, there are a few acknowledgments of on campus affairs that deserve to be addressed this second week of our Academic Oppression. To be sure, there has been a flurry of recent chatter on campus surrounding the soon-to-be putting green on campus. This Editor is floored with the excitement of the possibility of improvement on the short range game (this Editor may or may not have a history of using the driver too much, but, the points hit home every once in a while). Hopefully campus will not turn back into the ice planet of Hoth any time in the near future. Allegedly, there is an article among the pages preceding this one with details on the new dorm. The entire senior class should let out a huge sigh of relief because, after four years of hearing that things are going to happen, we finally have a tangible and needed solution to the housing crisis. It is positively wonderful that we will leave after four years knowing that in our time here we actually saw a massive promise fulfilled. By all that this Editor really means that we seniors do not actually get to see this alleged housing unit and therefore might still find reason to gripe about things from time to time. The best news the student body has heard in a long while, if emails have been checked properly, is that the danger of financially exploding seems to not be as imminent as students often feel. Of course, with a relatively small endowment and historically curious allotment of funds (putting greens, new curbs, obviously not good toilet paper) we might not survive another economy crash, but that is fine; for now there is hope.
Because this Editor is in need of relevant material and in order to avoid the danger of the Back Page becoming mundane, a request will here be made. If you, the reader, have any concerns that you feel are being missed or swept under the rug without proper acknowledgment, it is time to speak up. Anyone, and everyone, with an idea, concern, complaint, positive thought, beer suggestion, Indian food recipe, or question should address a note to Perry Dixon at Box 641. Of course, if no one comes up with anything there is a very strong likelihood that this Editor will have no other choice but to push the envelope much in the same way it has been pushed for the past semester (without any idea where the pushing is going or how much pushing is too much) . It is a curious coincidence indeed that this summer will mark the end of this Editor’s run on the Back Page and simultaneously bring about the filmed conclusion to the Deathly Hallows, in which Harry kind of dies. With that in mind, the student body should prepare itself for another interesting batch of articles.
John Milton wrote “Paradise Lost” blind. If this Editor is censored he will gouge his eyes out and write the Back Page while blind on chalkboards across campus.
disclaimer: the contents of the back page are not necessarily true