April 1, 2011 Volume CXXIX Issue 9

GACtivities abound

Contributing Writer

It is a busy time for GAC as many activities and events are planned for the month of April. From movies to dinners, there is always something going on. So take out your calendars and make room in your schedules!

Elections are right around the corner for GAC. Applications became available Tuesday, March 28 in the GAC office, located on the third floor of the Student Center. There are eight available positions on the Executive Council. The president serves to preside over all E.C. meetings, attend committee meetings and support GAC events. The vice president of activities deals with programs for weekend events, REC parties, off campus trips and athletics. The vice president of traditions is responsible for hosting and planning traditional events such as Homecoming, Songfest, Belle of the Blue and Hanging of the Green. The vice president of entertainment provides fun opportunities such as the hypnotist, comedians, concerts and bands. The vice president of education and lecture offers education opportunities through GLADD week, dances, seminars, speakers, Nexus events, musicians and dinners. The vice president of public relations acts as a coordinator for GAC events through e-mail, Facebook and posters. The secretary ensures that minutes and attendance are taken during meetings and keeps a record of the bylaws. The treasurer handles budget reports, conducts monthly expense reports and maintains supplies in the office. Applications are still available to be picked up in the GAC office. The due date for applications will be Monday, April 4. Elections will be held April 11-15 on the Georgetown College website.

An international dinner will be held Tuesday, April 7. GAC will be taking a group of students to an international restaurant in Lexington for a night of culture, food and fun. The restaurant will feature African cuisine. The first 25 students to sign up will be able to eat for free.

Friday, April 15, there will be another “Movies on Us” at the Georgetown Movie Theater. GAC President Abby Watkins said, “We’ll pay for around 100 students to go to a movie, plus a free drink or popcorn.” Students should remember to bring their G-cards to the theater.

The activities will continue when the “Spelling Tiger” will be held Wednesday, April 20 in the Grille. Each residence hall will enter a contestant. The winners of the spelling bee will receive cash prizes. First place will receive $100. Second place will receive $75. Third place will receive $50. It will be our own version of the National Spelling Bee!

Students will be able to attend a Cincinnati Reds game on Friday, April 29. The fee will only be $5. Students can sign up beginning Wednesday, April 20.

If you are looking for a time of relaxation and fun, take some time to experience what GAC has to offer. The end of the semester is drawing near, so make the most of it!

Robson to tame audience in
McCandless lecture

Lecturer in English asks“Can you tell a hawk from a shrew?”
Contributing Writer

The McCandless Lecture this year will take place in the library on Wednesday, April 6 at 7 p.m. This year’s lecture is titled “Can you tell a hawk from a shrew?” and subtitled “Shakespeare and the ‘taming’ of women.”

This year’s lecturer is Dr. Lynn Robson, a Lecturer in English at Regent’s Park College, Oxford University. Dr. Lynn Robson’s topic is one on which she has expert knowledge. According to her online autobiography, Dr. Robson’s specialties are in Renaissance and Restoration Literature, including Shakespeare.

Beyond Shakespeare, Dr. Robson teaches early modern literature to undergraduate English students. Her other interests include research on modern print culture and cheap print, including murder pamphlets and prison literature.

In addition to teaching, Dr. Robson serves as Tutor for Visiting Overseas Undergraduates. She helps North American and European students manage study abroad programs in Oxford.

Several Georgetown college students know Dr. Robson personally as a tutor from their terms at Regent’s Park College. Tyler Frailie, a 2010 graduate of Georgetown College, studied under Dr. Robson during his stay in Oxford. He said Dr. Robson changed his outlook on the nature of academic writing.

“She helped me learn how to have fun with my papers and to enjoy what I do,” Frailie said. He went on to say of his time spent studying under Dr. Robson, “I feel that the greatest benefit of my experience is learning to have confidence in my own voice as a writer.”

Students to show cultural talents

Contributing Writer

On April 7 at 4 p.m., Georgetown College will be hosting its first annual Talent Extravaganza, sponsored by Sigma Delta Pi and the United Nations of Georgetown in the John L. Hill Chapel.

If you are interested in cultural music and dance, you will enjoy the Georgetown College Talent Extravaganza. The idea for the Talent Extravaganza came from the Spanish honor society, also known as Sigma Delta Pi. Sigma Delta Pi wanted to put on a large schoolwide event this year, so the organization came up with the idea of a talent show. Georgetown is known for its attraction to and interest in diversity, so Sigma Delta Pi decided to make the talent show focus on aspects of other cultures, so that students will enjoy as well as learn about the different acts that will be a part of the show. The Talent Extravaganza will have cultural acts ranging from Salsa dancing to a French language class singing the French National Anthem.

In order for students to get involved in and attend the talent show, Sigma Pi Delta has made Talent Extravaganza into a CEP/ Nexus Credit. Not only will you be attending a culturally-enriching and exciting show, you will have one less CEP to worry about!

Depending on how successful Talent Extravaganza is, it could become a yearly event for Georgetown College. As Georgetown College students, let’s make the Talent Extravaganza a yearly show by coming out to support our fellow talented schoolmates. Another way to ensure the success of Talent Extravaganza is to get involved and share your cultural talent with the student body. If you are interested in becoming a part of the show, contact the president of Sigma Delta Pi, Kara Ruby.

WARNING: All information presented below is NOT real. The April Fools’ section is for entertainment purposes only.

Not putting green, but putt putt

Copy Editor

GC has been fooled again into another foolish plan and will now be home to a putt putt course eerily similar to this one.

Many have likely heard of the putting green that has been promised to be installed upon Georgetown College’s campus. In fact, there have been several articles published in The Georgetonian detailing the specifics of this project.

However, it seems that we were all mistaken. Georgetown College will not be the lucky recipient of a putting green, but rather the lucky recipient of a minigolf putt putt course.

This mini-golf alternative promises to be more user-friendly for the average GC student. Whereas before only athletes and those interested in sports or golf would probably be interested in hitting the putting green, now almost everyone— except for extremely masculine men, and I mean extremely—can be excited about hitting up the putt putt course.

Just think of all the possible times when the putt putt course could be a positive addition to your life! Stressed out and need to blow off some steam? Hit the putt putt course! Have some time to kill between classes? Hit the putt putt course instead of the WOW Grille! Feel like procrastinating? Hit the putt putt course instead of getting on Facebook!

Truly, the useful possibilities for the putt putt course are endless! Just picture this scenario. There’s a young, single freshman male (perhaps someone like a Mister Jonathan Balmer) who is busy not having a car and being wooed by tons of ladies. Should he find a lady who appreciates his academic countenance and personal demeanor, it is possible that he would want to further the wooing process by taking her on a date, probably just so he can talk about himself for two hours, but still, a date nonetheless. Now let’s say that this extremely special lady (even more extremely special than the previously mentioned anti-putt putt men were extremely masculine) also does not have a car. What is poor Jonathan going to do?!

He’s going to take his date out for a fantastic oncampus date night spent playing through Georgetown College’s very own putt putt course. Balmer commented on his thoughts regarding the putt putt course, saying: “Golf, Tiger aside, is a game for rich white men with little athleticism. Putt putt though is cheap, allowing poor college students—like me—to show off my competitive nature to the ladies on dates, on campus, without any real talent! Thank you Georgetown! You do care about the little people!” Just think of all the hole-in-ones this course could help students score and of all the romance that could blossom there.

Now that you understand exactly how important this putt putt course is going to be to your daily life, it’s time to divulge some details about the project.

Overall, the putt putt course is Georgetown College- themed. This decision came about as a result of a student poll. Georgetown College was the number one theme while “Georgetown Shore” and “Dr. Crouch and the Fair-Trade Chocolate Factory” were close runnerups, both tying for second.

One student commented on the results saying, “I was surprised ‘Georgetown Shore’ didn’t win; it’s such a culturally relevant and witty theme. I just don’t get it. I was so sure it would win that I’d already sculpted a full-life statue of George the Tiger with a Snooki-style poof, hoping it would be used in the putt putt course design.”

Many speculate that had “Georgetown Shore” and “Dr. Crouch and the Fair- Trade Chocolate Factory” been combined into one theme, it would have reigned supreme. The competing awesomeness of the two seems to have affected the race.

Nevertheless, the results are in and GC will have a Georgetown College-themed putt putt course which promises to be “epically awesome.” I’m not really sure who said that, but it must be true and reliable because it’s in quotes!

The course will feature somewhere between 23 and 57 holes. Plans for the course are still being developed. The 23-hole plan would use the grassy area that we all previously believed was going to be turned into a putting green. The 57-hole plan will, however, use all of the grass on campus. Students will be allowed to vote between the two plans before the end of the semester. Some administration members are hesitant about the 57-hole plan, believing it will be a distraction to students if mini-golf is everywhere, while others believe it would help GC make a bigger impression on incoming freshmen as they visit the campus.

Regardless of how many holes the course ends up having, there will be a 17-hole section of the course that spells out Georgetown College, with each hole representing one letter. There will also be statues of George the Tiger and notable faculty throughout. There’s even talk of having our good friend, the Chancellor of Winter, make an appearance.

Furthermore, the college plans on incorporating the new putt putt course into the homecoming traditions at GC. Each year, during homecoming, each residence hall will be assigned a certain section of the course which they will be expected to decorate to reflect the homecoming theme. This will allow for even more homecoming hype and for another series of awards, so of course it will be awesome.

Easter accusations

Copy Editor

Dear students of Georgetown College,

This mugshot was taken in Spring ‘98.

A few weeks ago, The Georgetonian published an article about me in it’s opinion section, putting me up against Jesus in an epic face-off. Jesus won the battle, which is fine. I’ve been in therapy for years to accept that people will always choose him over me. That’s not why I’m writing. I’m writing to address a few unfair claims which were made against me and to hopefully clear my name.

First, the article published in The Georgetonian was not authorized by me and, as I consider it slanderous in nature, I am planning to sue The Georgetonian—and specifically Copy Editor Whitley Arens—for lots of money. You may believe me to be fictitious, but I promise you my lawyers—and the might of their justice—are very real.

Secondly, I would like to address the fact that the only one of my commercials mentioned in this article was the more recent Diet Dr. Pepper one. It is as if your writers don’t even watch TV or pay attention to anything around them. My commercial fame goes much further than DDP. I have appeared in various other commercials, representing companies such as Cadbury and M&Ms. I believe it was the intent of Ms. Arens to downplay my fame when what she should be doing is learning to recognize!

Thirdly, and most importantly, I would like to address the claim asserted against me that I am a pedophile. I hope your publication is happy to know that since the publication of your article, I have been officially banned from Easter Egg Hunts in 14 states and there is a pending investigation into my ability to work professionally with children.

The biggest joy of having my job is going home after delivering all of those baskets on Easter morning, knowing that children everywhere will be waking up, excited to see lots of candy waiting for them. The joy of the children is why I went into this business in the first place. And you have taken that from me. If the investigation goes poorly, I will be shipped to a remote island with a zero child population and held in a cage for the rest of my life. What do they think I am? An animal? It is preposterous and, to The Georgetonian, it is all your fault. There are only two things of which I am guilty. The first is of possibly giving children cavities, but it’s not my fault that their parents can’t teach them how to brush their teeth. The second thing of which I am guilty is simply loving the kids too much.

I hope you see the error of your ways, Georgetonian staff. Regardless, expect to hear from my lawyers soon.

The Easter bunny will be around and on the prowl. He is a master of disguise.

Secrets of Georgetown College

Staff Writer

On a recent stroll through the chapel, I wondered upon the top floor and found my self face-to-face with an odd door. Looking behind it I found what can best be described as an attic. But this was no ordinary attic. The room was completely dark except for what light could escape in through cracks and dead center, in the middle of the room, there was one chair, facing towards me. Now, I’ve seen my fair share of scary movies, so of course I ran and didn’t turn back. But this experience got me wondering what all of this meant. What kind of shady business went down in this room? Who sits in the chapel attic? What other secrets are hidden within the walls of Georgetown? So I did some investigating, and was shocked at some of the things I found.

I’ll begin by naming the most terrifying secret I discovered, hidden deep within the Nunnelly Music Building located by the library. It’s not uncommon to pass by it on any given day and hear the beautiful sound of music coming through the windows. But what you probably didn’t know was that this whole “music” thing, is just a front. This building was in fact once part of the Underground Railroad and has a secret chamber hidden below the bottom floor. Several years ago the administration took this chamber and turned it into a torture chamber where they punish students who don’t take academics seriously. Think about it. How many of you knew someone freshman year who never attended class and now you can’t remember where that person disappeared to? They didn’t drop out. Oh no, they are still here, but you can’t hear their screams over the sound of pianos, trumpets, and opera singers. Junior Stephanie Sawyer says she believes that’s what happened to her once close friend John. “He was that guy who was always late to class you know? The professors never liked him that much, and then when sophomore year started he just didn’t come back. I thought I heard him once, yelling my name by Nunnlley, but I turned around and didn’t see him,” she says.

Like it or not some fishy things are going on around Georgetown. In my investigation I discovered a handful of other secrets the administration wouldn’t want students to know, such as the spirit of a little girl killed in an accident during the 1800’s that lives in Giddings Hall, the disco lounge hidden in the archives of the library where the faculty holds monthly parties, and the Swiss bank account where Dr. Allen keeps all leftover flex dollars students don’t use from year to year (she buys random expensive Shakespeare items on eBay with it). And if I was able to dig these things up in just a few days, think what else they might be hiding?


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