February 5, 2009 Volume CXXV Issue 2

Choose your own adventure!

It’s a cold winter night on Georgetown’s campus and you flip from news channel to news channel in search of any information regarding the impending winter doom that everyone is expecting to hit tomorrow. As the thermometer drops and the snowflakes begin to fall upon the dimly-lit Gidding’s Circle, you check your email, refreshing desperately with the hope that soon a message from Dr. Gambill will arrive, informing you that indeed classes will be cancelled and not to bother setting your alarm. No such word arrives, however, and you settle down in your bed, pulling the covers snug around you, and begin your long, dark journey into the night. When you awake in the morning to the screeching of your alarm, you lie still for a few minutes before getting up. You notice the odd silence that fills the building: you cannot hear any running showers or doors slamming shut. You quickly realize that your dream must have come true, indeed, there is certainly a cancellation because of snow! Now, you have a decision to make. If you decide to carelessly drift back into the beautiful slumber from which you just awoke, jump to paragraph 8. If you decide to get up and investigate, continue to the next paragraph.

Paragraph 2

You creep over to your desk, careful not to wake your sleeping roommate. Cautiously you open your internet browser, as if your tentative approach will ensure that the snow day message will be resting neatly in your inbox. You enter your password, and rats! No such luck. Certainly it must be a mistake, you think, as you peek around your windowshades to discover a frozen wasteland beneath you. But no, school is indeed on, and you sigh and pull on your jeans and coat. You step outside, eying the sidewalk suspiciously. You cannot really see where the sidewalk would be. After some exploration, you set off towards your class in the LRC. If you decide to walk through the quad and around the front of Gidding’s Hall, skip to paragraph 6. If you decide to blaze a path across Jackson Street and head towards the LRC as the crow flies, read the next paragraph.

Paragraph 3

Who needs the sidewalks in this mess, you think, plowing into the powdery sludge before you. As the snow flurries flutter into your eyes and your skin is blasted by the arctic wind you curse the administration for putting you in such horrid conditions. Continue reading.

Paragraph 4

After a long journey, you finally arrive at the LRC. Seeking solace in its warm glow, you knock the snow off your shoes and pull open the door. Your class is only a staircase away, yet you feel the winter chill inside you, as if you need something to warm you up. You think of the Mulb, knowing how much you would love a delicious cup of coffee. It would really be a shame, though, to trudge all that ice through the LRC. Do you show a bit of kindness and walk around, or do you proceed simply to walk across the tiled expanse before you? If you head outside, continue reading. If not, skip to paragraph 7.

Paragraph 5

You show some mercy to the cleaning crew and walk around the outside. Wait, what is that rattling in the bushes? You look around to no avail. Out of your peripheral vision arises a great white beast, looking like an angry polar bear, his eyes glowing,his head sporting a strange horn-like protusion that looks like a Narwhale’s horn. That’s odd, you think, just before he clubs you. Adventure over.

Paragraph 6

As you trudge towards the chapel, you become aware of some mysterious cracking noises that seem to come from above. You look up, marveling at how the ice-encrusted limbs seem to enshrine you, the crystallized branches glistening overhead. You catch yourself admiring the scene and decide to press on towards class. As you walk, you become increasingly aware of some unknown danger, a feeling you cannot shake. You hear a large splintering crack and look up just in time to see a large tree branch just before it hits the top of your head. Quietly, you sink into the blackness that only comes with being knocked out. You awake hours later in the Wellness Center. Your adventure is over.

Paragraph 7

You proceed across the floor, knowing that someone will clean it up eventually. Aside from a couple of near-slips, you make it to the Mulb and order a warm coffee. Delicious. Time to head to class! Skip to paragraph 9.

Paragraph 8

You had class and missed everything important for the entire semester. You lose.

Paragraph 9

The frozen onslaught continues as you watch the snow cake the windows of you classroom. When the class finally ends, you dread heading back into the mess. As you walk towards the Caf, hoping to satisfy your hunger, you notice a group of students chipping away at a large block of ice in the middle of Gidding’s Circle. You stop to ask what they are doing, and you are informed that they must build an ice sculpture of Dr. Crouch, as he has declared himself the Chancellor of Winter. You wonder if you should join them. If you do, continue reading. If you think this is silly, continue to the last paragraph.

Paragraph 10

You are told that class has been canceled, and the students have been told they must follow all of the Chancellor’s instructions or face the consequences. You begrudgingly pick up a chisel, hoping that this doesn’t take long. It isn’t but a few minutes before a sleigh arrives, being pulled by a team of Kentucky Buffalo, whom you thought to be extinct. The Chancellor himself looks approvingly at you. You feel the warm glow of his approval and know that you are now going to be set for life. Well played!

Paragraph 11

After someone explains that classes have been canceled and we must now do the Chancellor’s bidding, you shake your head, bewildered with the ridiculousness of the situation. You look at the other students slaving away in the snow before deciding that it is much too cold. You head back to your dorm room, only to discover that it has been locked. You try and get Campus Safety to open it, but they have no record of you ever being a student. You realize that your disobedience has its consequences. Your winter adventure is over…forever.

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