WARNING: All information presented below is NOT real. The April Fools’ pullout is for entertainment purposes only.
Obama to visit Georgetown later this semesterBy CIERA LOWERY Political Correspondent
This semester Georgetown College is going to be hosting something so large that the staff and faculty aren’t even sure how it is going to happen. President Barack Obama is going to come to campus the last weekend in April to give a speech on the state of the economy and how Georgetown College can help the situation. Even though the average student may not think that they can help, that is far from the truth. The President will come to tell us all that we can make a difference. This is absolutely huge for President Obama as he is taking time out of his busy schedule to visit with the students, faculty and staff here at GC.
This is truly an honor for everyone! This will be the second President to visit GC, with George H.W. Bush visting in the past. The school named the recreation center after him and has a similiar surprise for President Obama. President Obama will arrive the morning of April 25th to a rousing welcome as he parades up Main Street in his convoy. Surely he will love the warm welcome that he will recieve from the locals here in Scott County. Next, he will turn down College Street where he will be greeted by throngs of students that want to meet him. Please come out and show your support for the President. He will give his speech on the field next to the pit at the end of College street (by the recreation center). His speech,like all of them, will be rousing and will deliver a pertinent message.
In recent contact with the President, here is what we have so far: he is working on a bailout plan for the college as well as a stimulus package, again tailored to the college. As well as these two things, the President will also address the state of the national economy and national debt. He will explain his plan for this crisis and how that plan will directly affect Georgetown. Of course, the plan ties in with the stimulus package he has ready for the college. After his speech, the President will head to the chapel where he will address different groups of students. The groups of students will be the seniors, juniors, sophomores, freshmen and then finally the parents and the general public. This is going to be an open forum so students, faculty and staff should feel free to ask any questions. In fact, the President has encouraged participation in the forum and is delighted to hear that our college is so interested in the current economic crisis.
After the open forums in the chapel, President Obama will be escorted into the caf to eat lunch with the students, surrounded by secret service. After lunch, the President will be in for a surprise. The college has decided, after much debate, to name the new Bishop Scholar diversity building after President Obama. The building will now be called the Obama Diversity Center. That’s quite catchy if you ask me. After the naming ceremony the President will give a quick goodbye over at the field where his first speech was given to all of the public and will head back to his motorcade where he will be given a rousing applause as he leaves the campus.
Again, this is the itinerary for the day but it is subject to change pending many different circumstances. Hopefully all will go as planned and the day will go off without a hitch. The college is very excited about this opportunity with the President and is asking for the help of the students in making this day possible.
Mascot Spotlight: George the tigerBy WHITLEY ARENS
Everyone on this campus could probably recognize our mascot, George the tiger, in passing. Sure, he’s out and about a lot and everyone thinks they know him. But really…just how well does the student body of Georgetown College know their mascot? Well, in actuality not very well at all, and it is high time everyone gets to know George.
The big question on everyone’s mind is probably: Why did George pick Georgetown College anyway? Well, the answer to that is simple enough. “I was wandering one day, you know…after leaving the jungle, and decided I probably needed a job. See, I really wanted to buy a car to impress the ladies, but I didn’t have any dough…so, I was looking for this job. I’m not really sure how I ended up in Kentucky. I guess that’s where the jungle ended. Anyway, as soon as I saw Georgetown College, I knew I’d be at home. I mean, how could I not? My name is George after all,” George said with a smile.
When asked if he ever got that car to impress the ladies with, George ambiguously chuckled under his breath before staring off into space. After a few moments, he sighed. Unsure of what that really meant, and a bit wary of probing further, the next question was introduced: How has Georgetown College changed him? “Well,” George said, “it’s definitely calmed me down a little. I’m way more focused now and I’ve sort of gotten my priorities in line. I’ve actually become a vegetarian since becoming mascot, an unheard of feat for a tiger. But then again, I also have a name and can talk, so what did you expect?”
Ah, George certainly is funny; it’s likely a lot of students weren’t aware of that. Furthermore, it’s unlikely GC really comprehends George’s wide array of interests. Though George is a huge supporter of the athletics at Georgetown and he loves going to games, there’s a lot more to him than that. He said, “I really love sports, but everyone knows that because…well, I am the mascot. I also enjoy the fact that the Tiger Band is named after me. It makes me feel loved. One of my biggest hobbies is just being enthusiastic. I’m a pretty high-spirited person so just being around all the people on campus is fun to me.”
Okay. Enough with the boring questions; here comes the good stuff. When asked what his favorite color was, George responded, “Pleeeeease. It’s orange. Duh. Give me a hard one.” Alright, George. Here’s a tough one for you: What’s the derivative of 42x^3 + 16xy^7 – 45y^100 – 2? And to that, all George had to say was, “Bite me.”
Yes, George is feisty. To try to cheer him up, the next question was a nice one. Doesn’t everyone want to know what George would do with the money if he won the lottery? Well, everyone is about to find out. In response to this, George excitedly stated, “If I won the lottery, I’d probably buy a guitar and learn to play it. Cars just don’t impress the ladies as much anymore. Still, with that money, the first thing I would definitely do is visit every single restaurant Michael Gilkison has reviewed. At least a dozen times! I would save Fava’s for last because it’s my favarite. Oh, how I love frickles… those essentially fried pickles.”
Being a vegetarian, George the tiger probably eats all of the frickles he can get. To keep the good questions rolling, George was next asked what three things he would want with him if he were stranded on a desert island. Following a few moments of careful contemplation and watching him repeatedly stroke his whiskers with his paw, George decided upon abasketball, a tape recorder of students talking so he could pretend to have conversations and his eco-friendly Georgetown College mug. Well, this has certainly been an enlightening spotlight. There’s really just one more thing to ask: Is there anything else you’d like to add George? “I’m where it’s at. Add me on facebook! Peace.” Those are very good closing words indeed.\
Alligator wrestling 09!By CIERA LOWERY
Crocodile Hunter Many Georgetown students decided to go to various places over the recent Spring break. Some students wanted to go to Panama, some wanted to go to the coast of California and others simply wanted to relax at home. However, this spring break a very adventurous group of students took a long journey to the Florida Everglades to do something rather unique. They were attracted by the alligator wrestling competition that takes place every spring that they had apparently never heard of. The winner of this feat takes home a grand prize of $1,000 if they live to tell about it. Despite the risk, this group of four packed their bags and headed south to see what damage they could do. “I’m always up for a challenge!” Joe Pierce commented.
Pierce and his friends had registered ahead of time for this dangerous event with the hope that one of them would win some money and make their spring break memorable. As a starter on Georgetown’s football team, Pierce thought for sure he could wrestle with an alligator and have a fair shot. (I think he underestimated the size of the animal.) However, at the end of the competition two men had lost arms and one was in a coma in the hospital. These were mild injuries in comparison to some of the other groups that were competing. One group actually had a guy lose both his legs. Luckily, none of our own students were seriously injured. None of them won the grand prize either, though.
Adam Jones, who is Pierce’s roommate, stated, “I may not have won the money, but I have teeth marks that tell one heck of a story!” If you ever want to see the teeth marks on his side just ask him and he will happily show the scar and tell the story. I think it is fair to say that these four guys definitely made themselves one memorable spring break.