April 2, 2009 Volume CXXV Issue 8

WARNING: All information presented below is NOT real. The April Fools’ pullout is for entertainment purposes only.

Tiger Woods to try a different kind of swing


Sports Guru

According to sources, Woods will soon hang up his cleats in exchange foranother type of cleats.

According to sources, Woods will soon hang up his cleats in exchange foranother type of cleats.

After a successful run at Bay Hill this past weekend, Tiger Woods is done. That’s right, he is done. Here is how the events broke down this past weekend. Woods was six shots back of young gun Shaun O’Hair on Saturday during the third round of the Arnold Palmer Invitational and things were looking bleak. However, O’Hair bogeyed his final two holes on Saturday to let Tiger cut back into the lead and only be four strokes back entering Sunday. The reason they call him Tiger Woods is for the way he golfs on Sundays. Woods was 3-under par stepping onto the 18th tee tied with O’Hair and former Masters champion Zach Johnson only two shots back. After his tee shot Woods was sitting in the fairway 135 yards from the green.

To completely understand the situation you have to understand the objects and hazards around the green. First, the green is surrounded by grandstands that had several hundreds of people in them, not to mention the throngs of people that were lining the fairways and surrounding the path the players were walking. In front of the green was a deep pond with the front of the green sloping towards it. Behind the green there were three bunkers that were deep and had little green in front of them to work with. There was only a narrow entrance to the green on the left side; however the flag was on the right side of the green just over the ridge that sloped towards the water. So this was quite a difficult situation for all the players.

Johnson hit first, with his shot hitting the back of the green and spinning back towards the flag. He was left with a 25-foot putt for his birdie. O’Hair hit next, landing his shot to the left side of the flag, and hewas left with a 20-foot putt for his birdie. Woods hit last, landing his shot behind the flag and using the slope of the green, spun his shot to the left side of the flag, leaving himself a 10- footer for birdie. The true Tiger came out on the green. He stepped up right to the ball and sank the putt with the confidence that it takes to win. This marked Tiger’s first victory of the PGA season and also marked the last of his career.

As of Sunday Tiger Woods is retiring from the sport of golf and will be trying out a new sport that he has always been naturally interested in. Ever since a young age Tiger loved baseball, and now he is going to give it a shot. Retiring from a sport where he has won over 75 million dollars and putting all of his talent and energy into something else is a big risk, but that is a risk he is willing to take. Tiger hopes to get picked up by a team this coming year and is hoping he can stay close to home. The Los Angeles Dodgers are very interested in him because of his supreme athletic ability and his great hand-eye coordination. This could make him a top-notch second basemen or center- fielder and if he gets picked up he hopes to play one of these two positions.

He is asking for a pretty extreme deal however. His agent, Scott Rosenhaus is telling teams that Tiger is demanding at least a 2-year 35 million dollar deal with seven million guaranteed. This is a very large sum of money for someone that has never played the sport at a competitive level. We can only wait and see as to what happens with this situation. As for golf Tiger says that he will continue to play once or twice a week in order to keep up his skills if baseball doesn’t work out to well for him. I’m sure with his talent and charisma he will be successful in whatever he chooses to do.


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