Georgetonian staff superlativesBy JOEL DARLAND
And the winner is…
Because so many of you fine readers care about the staff so much, I have decided to compile a list of convoluted and archaic awards to give out. Don’t worry if you don’t understand, because I sure don’t. And besides, I can write whatever I want, seeing as how I’m now the best Back Page Editor ever to exist. Also, I know it’s Comic Sans, I wanted it like that.
Whittles—Most likely to insert subtle alcohol references into stories where they do not belong.
Belle of the Orange?—Most likely to con her way into Pizza Land!!!!!!!
Joely Poely—Most likely to be ironic and/or simultaneously authentic.
J-Fed—Most likely to be the better Joel.
Randy Muscle—Most likely to get maced in the face. Also, thank you for your contribution of one maced shirt to Haiti.
Lord Farquaad—Most likely to run the same story over and over again
Tortiana—Most likely to inadvertently paint a demonic unicorn. THAT HAPPENED FOR REALS.
Air Jordan—Most likely to bring the cake!
Corn-on-the-Cobb—Most likely to bananananananananananananananana!
disclaimer: the contents of the back page are not necessarily true