March 11, 2010 Volume CXXVII Issue 6

Spring Break 1998! Da bomb diggity!

By Joel Darland
WOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!

Still unsure about what to do for Spring Break? Well don’t worry, we all make mistakes. Luckily for you, I have some good news. I have compiled a list of some of the most exciting places to visit this coming week. So pack your bags and prepare for a tubular Spring Break.

The Moon

Dick Branson, multi-billionaire cool dude, offers space trips for a mere $200,000. Maybe throw in a couple mil extra and he’ll take you all the way to the moon. To the moon, Alice! But seriously, you should consider this.

Dollywood

Think Disney World is the happiest place on Earth? Think again. Dollywood, Dolly Parton’s very own theme park, offers ample fun for all ages. This well-endowed theme park features big excitement which you will barely be able to contain. Hopefully the message got through.

Wigwam Village #2


Forget Mammoth Cave, this place is like a hotel, but with teepees! I mean their web site says it all: “Sleep in a Wigwam!!” Seriously, what are you doing still reading this? Go book a whole week in a teepee! Oh goodness!

Gaither Homecoming

I don’t really know if this show is going on during Spring Break, but still, this is awesome, especially if you like gospel music and old people. And if you’re old enough, you can get your own comfy armchair directly on stage so you can enjoy the show despite being such an old person!

Corn Palace

Well, it’s a building covered with corn, hence the name Corn Palace. Moving on.

Dinosaur World

A common site on I-65, Dinosaur World offers several large fiberglass dinosaur statues for your enjoyment. I’ve never actually been there, since my parents never took me. But it was always my dream. Thanks for ruining my childhood, mom and dad!

Space Camp

Can’t afford a trip to the moon? How about a second rate pretend trip into space? You could impersonate a child and attend Space Camp in Huntsville, Ala. Just squeeze into a child extra large space suit and away you go for all the vomit-inducing spinning and crazy gravity you can handle. Space Camp: almost as good as the real thing. Well, maybe not so much.

The Wizarding World of Harry Potter

Though it’s technically not open yet, don’t let that stop you from enjoying this wizard-themed park. In fact, getting some friends together will make breaking into the park easier. Springus Breakanum!

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