September 9, 2010 Volume CXXVIII Issue 1

Housing? Awesome.

By PERRY DIXON
Back Page Editor

Ipod– Mesmerized by Wiz Khalifa
Working Poor by Horse Feathers

Reading– Richard III by W. Shakespeare

Beverage Recommendation for Your Parents at Home

Beverage: Midas Touch by Dog Fish Head

Food Pairing: Pan-Asian Dishes, Baked Fish, Chicken Tasting Notes: Honey, Saffron, Melon, Biscuity

Interesting Fact: from the world’s oldest known recipe (2700 years old)

ABV: 9%

IBU: 12

This Week’s Sign of the Apocalypse:

The first question from a student to John Long, Chairman of the World Games 2010 Foundation and CEO of the United States Equestrian Federation after his speech in the Chapel on Tuesday was something to the effect of, “Where’s the party at?”

Deep breath…and now the plunge.

First and foremost, I would like to apologize to the freshmen ladies in Knight Hall. The average (median) household income in the state of Kentucky, according to the Census Bureau as of 2008, is between $37,528 and $44,695. Knight Hall residents, you pay around $34,680 (roughly tuition) to live in a building all year without air conditioning. Welcome to Georgetown.

But fear not, young freshmen. You have a much better housing arrangement to look forward to next year. It’s not like there are mold issues or cracked ceilings in the upperclassman dorms, right? At the very least, next year you won’t have to worry about the air conditioning going out or an extended loss of hot water in the winter. That would be awful.

It would be awful given what you will endure this year. Never mind the comparatively superior freshman housing at other private colleges (my brother plays baseball for Transylvania and he laughs in my face).

We upperclassmen really know the worst thing one must worry about in our housing is actually toilet paper. Or, rather, “paper located conveniently close to toilets that could be used to sand down the bumps and scratches on our desks and concrete walls.”

At least, if nothing else, we do have the new W.O.W. inspiring improvements to our beloved Grille. As far as I have seen and heard these improvements have been received with great reviews. This is a good thing. But we are left now, considering our toilet paper issue, with a dilemma without solution.

SIMPLE DILEMMA: Contract money with Sodexo means good food but on campus there is still toilet paper with roughness greater than or equal to sandpaper.

Odd.

These are only a couple of the grievances we might spout off of the top of our heads concerning the state of our housing. We, the people, live in the worst housing our money can buy. Aroldis Chapman would not tolerate these standards. It’s a good thing we have phenomenal faculty. It’s a good thing that the people who work in the Caf, keep up our grounds, clean our halls and care for us on campus are all wonderful people.

However, it is not wrong for us to expect more from our tuition. At least we should assume it is not wrong to have such an expectation. Word has it that He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named would perhaps say that our hearts should not be troubled by housing given the excellence of academics on campus.

Be serious.

Ideally our SGA would have real power to enact change on our behalf. But, forgive me for being skeptical. Lofty plans for future improvements are a dime a dozen around here. What we would like is change, perhaps some Charmin, tomorrow and not five or ten years down the line.

A few Closing Thoughts:

-After spending last fall in Oxford, I would like to formally apologize to all the women of Kentucky for taking you for granted. Let’s just say the English are, oddly enough, a bit more equestrian.

-Mike Hartline may not be Tim Couch, but at least Louisville is still awful at football. Also, UK will finally destroy the garbage man convention that is UT. You can write that down.

-I cannot wait to see Lebron ‘Cry Baby’ James get dunked on by Kevin Durant. Kobe is getting at least one more ring and likely before his inferior counterpart.

-Hopefully everyone has remembered to purchase a nice new pair of shoes.

Finally this week, we salute you Group of Tall Matching Nike Socks Guys, for letting us know by your outfits that you will never be late to Chemistry because you are ready to run there every day.

disclaimer: the contents of the back page are not necessarily true
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