September 28, 2011- Issue 3

You tried to be funny

JONATHAN BALMER
Back-page editor/ Dead-man walking

 The Thursday students-only Songfest rehearsal is when female residence halls work out the final kinks out of their painstakingly synchronized and spirited performances in front of an over-enthusiastic audience of their peers. Meanwhile, men say whatever-the-heck they want, so long as they agree to edit out anything unseemly for the Friday night “real deal” when Homecoming alumni sit in the audience.

On another note, a co-worker of my mother’s, a Georgetown College alumnus, has mysteriously stopped receiving copies of The Georgetonian. I am sure this is a fluke and will be rectified immediately. She is a sweet elementary school teacher who loves Georgetown and The Georgetonian. This institution doubtlessly believes in students. As such, the college should be overjoyed that the student newspaper wishes to share real Georgetown news, issues and accomplishments with alumni, as well as students, no?

Without further delay, or any undeserved attention wasted elsewhere, I present the Songfest joke and reference explanation chart.

All you need to do is look at the nine jokes or terms found in a songfest performance and try to remember what organization or house said it. Then, write it down on your own scrap piece of paper.

Hurray interactivity.


Joke, Reference or Term                                 Explanation/ Definition

1.) “Where are your slam pieces?” “Oh, we got one in the kitchen, making a sandwich, one doing laundry…” etc. OH IT’S FUNNY! Haha, women are for sex and housework. This was one of the organizations’ rst jokes and it didn’t get better from here. Other jokes resorted to “humor” about phallus size, tired fat jokes and animosity toward foreign students (because of scholarship money) and insinuations that “GD” Independents are ugly. This is all among other offensive and slanderous remarks which I will not mention to protect the defamed innocent. Hopefully this is a result of a few making a poor choice in this organization and not an accurate reection of it.

2.) Rucker Jokes: “Want to go in Rucker?” “And do what? Play in the dirt?” We’ve dedicated it! It’s still not nished but with any luck we’ll move Rucker students in on a weekend right before a mid-term paper or test. (Isn’t there a rule against dedicating buildings people can’t legally use for their intended purpose?)

. 3.) Tiger Tape Jokes (two of these) “Tiger tape” exemplies how we cannot call things what they really are at Georgetown College. It’s orange tape.

4.) Hong’s Donut Express Jokes (SIX of these. You’re all that uncreative). What would ol’ man Mr. Hong (if that is even his name) think if he saw how many times he is referenced? There was even a “Hong Solo” character. Would he be offended by the horrible Asian accent or happy for the free publicity? Obviously, there hasn’t been a college which so venerated a purveyor of donuts since the University of Toronto tried to name a new dormitory, “Tim Horton’s Hall.”

5.) Tuition jokes (two of these). 1.)”What’s the theme this year??” “$36,622 dollars???” “…I thought it was out of this world” “…oh…that’s what I meant” 2.) Tuition-free Georgetown on the moon. It is expensive to go to school here and “out of this world” is a reference to the ludicrous expense. The house which made this rst joke actually had a really funny skit (even while neglecting to memorize any of it). Too bad their “Michael J. Fox” fell on a mix of offended and confused ears. Seriously, “Back to the Future” is a classic! How do you not know who Michael J. Fox is? According to the second joke, the only way to escape it is by relocating to the moon along with distant-future President Crouch who looks vaguely like a woman dressed up as Carl Sagan. [This sorority won like four awards, if I remember correctly…I can’t keep track].

6.) “President Crouch is a Sith Lord” Jokes (two of these) A reference to President Crouch’s comments at opening convocation that he loves the color black because it is erce and Darth Vader, The Wicked Witch and others know it. Strangely, there were no Wicked-Witch Jokes despite Knight Hall’s “Wizard of Oz” reference. “Star Wars” is also one of the few science-ction movies the masses are familiar with. Remember: Han Solo shot rst and Jar Jar Binks is an abomination.

7.) “Ticha is climbing in your windows, hide your beer, hide your girls, hide your girls…” Ticha is an Area Coordinator and he’s basically the Swiper (as in the fox from “Dora the Explorer”) of, ahem, adult beverages, except saying “Swiper no swiping” just makes him look at you funny. The joke is a reference to the “Auto tune the News: Bed Intruder” YouTube video. [Winner of Best Male Overall Homecoming]

8.)”Pink loves Green!” & vice versa [chanting] Imagine there are three girls: Sally, Danielle and Betsy. They all meet and Betsy yells out in joy, “Sally! I LOVE YOU!” and Sally yells back, “Betsy, I LOVE YOU!” and no one says anything to Danielle. It’s really just the polite way of saying “HAHA, Danielle. You’re not loved.” Or maybe I am cynical?

9.) Sea Bass!!! Heck if I know. It made no sense. It was a nice break from “Star Wars” references, I guess.

Answers: Figure it out. If I misquoted you, take a deep breath, be a big boy or girl, write a sad note in your diary and/ or get over it.

Disclaimer: The opinions and joke interpretations of the Back Page are that of the editor solely and are 100% possibly true. Please send alllove mail directly to the editor and all hate mail directly to the paper shredder.

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